These beautiful shoes.
I love them, more than you should love shoes.
Finding the Cure
I am truly convinced that reception desks breed apathy. At least this reception desk does.
I think any job that involves repetitive, monotonous activities have great potential to bring out the lethargic in the most passionate of people.
Before children are exposed to the world’s cruelties, I think they are naturally passionate little human beings.
Babies are passionate. You can hear it in their screams for food or for a nappy change. Children are passionate. They love their toys and they love lots of toys and they passionately hate it when you take their toys away.
Somewhere along the line – our passion fades. I can think of only one person excited about a loss of passion.
From the moment you are born, it seems like your passion, zeal and enthusiasm for life is threatened. Passion can feel like running uphill with a 20kg backpack instead of leaping and bounding across the top of a mountain. Keeping passion feels like fighting a battle you’ve already lost. I guess that’s what losing passion is – giving up on fighting for things you care about.
We were made for far more than apathy.
I know I’m a naturally excitable person. I’m so excited about the release of a children/early teens movie that I’ve got a count down on my Facebook. Most if not all of the injuries I’ve sustained are bruises and bumps from the times I got way too excited by something that I ran into a wall, or fell off my chair. I think excitement and hype are different to passion. I still find myself excited about things. But realistically, they aren’t really things that matter. (Although Zac Efron does matter to Jesus!).
My life is full. But not full of the things I’d like. It’s full of discontent, disappointment, apathy, sickness, printing, folding, stapling and the most irritating noise of all which is a telephone ring and I feel as though I’m suffocating. I sit by myself all day doing nothing of significance and I know how excited Satan is by this.
I know deep down, I’m really passionate about a lot of things. I’m passionate about God’s kingdom, people, communication, love, justice, writing, singing, friends, the restoration of families and about His church.
I’m choosing to be moved by my passion. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m guessing it’s something different to what I’m doing now.
I get excited by hype, but passion moves me.
I made up a new word today.
It essentially is a combination between humid weather, and muggy weather. Here, I’ll use it in a sentence.
“Gee! I can really feel the muggidity outside, it must be going to rain”
Now, I don’t think it will get as much use as ‘romantical’, the other word I made up. But that’s ok – I have this feeling I may not be the only person who “made up” the word romantical.
Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while. ~Kin Hubbard
What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance. ~Jane Austen
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. ~Mark Twain
If I’m on the course and lightening starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. ~ Bob Hope
Yesterday was a pretty good day. I did some baking and then went to a lunch bqq and an afternoon tea. I met with old friends and met some new friends while enjoying some wonderful food. On the way back from Brighton I happened to get caught in Brisbane’s worst storm in 25 years. While I focussed on keeping Emma and I on the road, we listened to Brooke Fraser which was frequently interupted by deafening claps of thunder and Emma’s gasps at the lightening which would have been no more than 100 or 200m away. And while for the second time in my life, I wondered if I might die, I also kind of enjoyed it.
Today at lunch we were talking about the storm and other natural disasters and one person commented on the sheer force of say a tornado. How “it seems as if nothing or no one can stand in it’s way”. And while the storm is scary, it’s also kind of exciting.
I think that’s what life with Jesus is like. It’s scary and it’s exciting. I’m so glad I serve the poweful One behind the storm. The One who has the power to cease the drought with rain. The one who holds lightening bolts in his hands. Nothing or no one can stand in His way.
“Is he safe” Lucy asks. “Safe!?” Mr Beaver replies. “Of course he’s not safe… but He is good”
The Chronicles of Narnia – The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
In my current job I often have a lot of spare time. That spare time is normally interrupted frequently by phone calls and random things that need to be photocopied, but spare time it still is. I have to admit that I haven’t really been making the most of all this spare time during the day. Every now and then I get some uni work out of the way, but most often, my day is wasted on Facebook.
I remember this one temp job I had back in May or June where for two whole days I printed letters, folded letters, stuffed brochures into envelopes and stamped envelopes. In those two whole days I said no more than 50 words and talked to one person. While these were two of the most lonely, boring and tedious days of my 20 years of existence, they were also days filled with much thought and processing, that I hadn’t allowed myself to do for a long time. Despite all this “spare time” I have throughout the day.. I managed to cram and fill my day with so much unnecessary nonsense that I had neglected or avoided thinking. I now make it a point to stop and ask myself, “When was the last time you made time in your life to think?”
I have a pretty mixed up relationship when it comes to thinking. I love the clarity it can bring, the ideas that form – but thinking normally means facing up to problems and situations that I’ve been avoiding. Lately my thoughts have been more like dreams, dreams of what I wish life was. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my career and what I want to do. I’m pretty sick of just wasting away time here at this reception desk. I’m sick of having to be in this office from 8.00am to 4.30pm. I’m sick of just learning so that I can be tested and graded. I’m sick of monotonous activities that don’t seem to serve any eternal purpose. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon to discuss some test results — all this ‘sickness’ seems to be actually making me physically sick.
There’s this episode on one of my favourite TV shows One Tree Hill titled Every day is a Sunday evening but it’s actually the name of an album by The Blackouts. Peyton is visiting Jake in Savannah on the weekend and it’s the Sunday before she is leaving to go back home to Tree Hill. She talks about how everybody hates Sunday Evenings because it’s the day before you have to go back to school, the day before the weekend ends. It’s such a sad but familiar concept. Every day is a Sunday evening.
The thing I keep thinking about is not whether or not I am perhaps in the wrong industry, but whether contentment is something that can be truly achieved despite occupation or situation. I would so love to be an actor, or a radio host, or a writer – but would those things really make me content. Before I said that those two days temping were two of the most boring and tedious days of my 20 years of existence. I stress the use of the word existence. I don’t merely want to exist. I wish I could truly say that I’ve been living for the 20 years, but I don’t think I really have been. I’ve been existing. What joy and excitement is there in existing? What makes my life or walk different to the person in the office next door? Not much currently.
Lot’s of thinking to do. Lots and lots of thoughts running round in this inexperienced young mind. Should I stay or should I go? I know at some point I have to stop thinking and start acting. Stop existing and start living.
Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. Phil 4: 11-13
“Through art we express our conception of what nature is not.”