Resurrect Me.

After reading A million miles in a thousand years by Don Miller, I became enamoured with the idea of living life. Living a crazy full life is different to living a life that you truly enjoy. My life is always crazy and full, which is good, but I want to make sure I am really squeezing everything out of life. So on a Saturday afternoon, after a lovely brunch celebrating a beautiful friend’s 30th, I was exhausted. Normally, I would have taken a nap while I fell asleep to some TV, but in an effort to enjoy my life a little bit more, I set out to try and accomplish a lot of my favourite things in a small space of time. Here is the photographic record of a productive relaxing and fulfilling afternoon.

And once you live a good story, you get a taste for a kind of meaning in life, and you can’t go back to being normal; you can’t go back to meaningless scenes stitched together by the forgettable thread of wasted time. Donald Miller – A Millions Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life.

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Untitled.

Most of us know what we want.

We say that we don’t. But most of us do. On those days where we truly feel safe and we really let ourselves go, we get a glimpse of what it is our heart really desires.

The problem isn’t that we don’t know what we want. We’re afraid that if we try, we might not get it. And wouldn’t that be worse than never trying and never finding out we couldn’t have what we wanted. That’s the problem.

Need to know basis.

At the risk of sounding very self absorbed.. here’s 10 things you probably didn’t know about me. Or did. But I don’t really care.

1. While blood normally makes me want to vomit, I really love the TV Show Bones. Go figure? Turns out Seely Booth can make a girl do basically anything.

2. I really love a good routine. But only for a limited time period. For about 2 weeks, I would make a cup of chai tea, heat up my hot water bottle, watch and episode of Bones and fall asleep EVERY NIGHT. Only for the two weeks though.

3. I learnt the trumpet when I was younger. It lasted about a year and as I never had a real aptitude for sheet music, I learnt all my pieces by ear. Turns out trumpet was harder than I thought.

4. I’m a brilliant rapper. Like gangsta music kind of rapping. I think it’s my ability to recall lyrics (or anything really) combined with the fact that I can talk at basically the speed of light, or sound, whichever is more appropriate.

5. My book and dvd collection is very extensive. I know where my salary goes now.

6. I am very scent driven. I love the smell of freshly cut grass, am allergic to cats and own over 10 different perfumes.

7. I think I actually prefer Coke Zero to regular coke.

8. I’ve only ever had one, maybe two nightmares in my whole life. My dreams are always REALLY pleasant, I often wake up and wish I had time to keep dreaming. Normally I live in Paris.

9. I love boardgames. Too much.

10. I’ve given speeches at people I hardly know parties. I think if I came to a randoms party, and there was an awkward enough silence, I’d give a speech. There’s something in me that hates the awkward moment so much, that I’d prefer that I feel awkward, then everyone else. Normally I enjoy awkward moments, but not during the speech section at someone’s birthday.

Five is a Four Letter Word

While it’s quite obvious I pay more attention to my other blogs than to this one, tumblr is a great post inspiration tool. I follow mostly fashion blogs, a couple of blogs that post about tv shows I like, and anyone who regularly posts nice images (and of course people I actually know). But in the midst of the great posts, you can get some kind of awful ones. The ones where the blogger decided to actually post their real thoughts (people think ugly things) or the EMO type posts. I saw one that got me to thinking about a five letter word that I think is really difficult to deal with.

I think LOVE is a hard word for a lot of people to say. But for me it’s probably not so much, love, as is it TRUST.

If I really think back to the root of any kind of pain I experienced, it wasn’t from a lack of love, or unreturned love or love necessarily gone wrong. Almost all pain, can be traced back to broken trust.

Divorce. It’s broken trust.

Abuse. It’s broken trust.

Gossip. Broken trust.

Failed economy. Trust again.

Relational breakdown. Broken trust.

No matter what the hurt or pain, at no point in my life, do I believe I forgot how to love, or that I refused to let love into my life or that I became afraid of love. If anything, because of the pain, I give away love to the wrong kinds of thing. Love isn’t the issue. Trust is. I don’t trust people. I’m afraid of people breaking my trust. I withold the most important parts of myself until I feel like I can really trust people.

If you don’t trust, then you don’t hope. You don’t put your hope in things because of the fear of having your hopes dashed. A life without hope isn’t really a life at all.

Life shouldn’t be lived like a blind fool where you trust everything. I wouldn’t let just anyone borrow $2,000 off me and TRUST that they would return it. But a live lived hidden because of pain, an inability to trust, is a sad thing indeed.

People will let you down. Life let’s us down. I can’t think of anyone who hasn’t been at least slightly bruised by life and I know far too many people who’s life wounds are deep and painful and raw. But I’m slowly learning to put ALL my hope and ALL my trust in someone who never lets me down. I’m not as scared of trusting others because my trust is ultimately in my heavely father.

The key to heart issues is often trust. We think we need sort out our ‘love’ issues, when really we need to ask God to heal us and help us with our issues with trust.