I just had it.
You know, one of those crystal clear defining moments. Where everything goes quiet and all of a sudden everything makes sense. It’s as if the world has been blurred and there’s that tiny spot in the photo that’s been left in focus, and it’s you. Everything is clear.
I had it at work, right then.
In the lead up to Christmas, my role at work involves organising anything to do with office closure. Notices, hampers and Christmas Cards. After handwriting our clients names and handpicking the cards – I saw down to place a label on all of the envelopes and had the moment.
Here I am, at 24 years of age, filled with crazy amounts of potential and life left to live, placing labels on envelopes.
Maybe you are thinking I’m about to launch into a big schpeel about how I knew I could do more with my life and all of a sudden I’m going to quit my job and do what I’ve always wanted to do…Guess again friends.
My defining moment was this – Here I am, at 24 years of age, with crazy amounts of potential and life left to live, placing labels on envelopes – and I am happy.
Oh gee, I am so happy.
Contentment and fulfilment are not destination points, they are a journey. In fact, it’s just life. Can you be happy where you are, no matter where that is? That is one of life’s greatest questions.
This is not the job I want. I am not what I consider ‘close’ to finishing my degree so that I can get the job that I want. I don’t even actually know if that’s the job that I want, when I am finished.
I am not the person that I want to be. I’m making mistakes, living under other people’s expectations of who I should be. I don’t even know who I want to be – or if I’ll even notice that when I’ve arrived.
I have not done half the things that I want to do in life. I am 24. Single. Living at home. I’ve barely scratched at my travel itch and I’m working 38 hours a week and filling the others with study and commitments. I am not who I want to be, I have not done what I want to do – and yet, I’m okay.
I didn’t think that I was, and naturally I can see reasons to be disappointed – but I am content. I am happy. I am placing labels on envelopes in a job that doesn’t even slightly fulfil me and I am okay because I have placed my life in His hands. In fact, I’m really better than okay.
The other night I discussed with one of my beautiful friends the concept of love and loss and how both of us firmly believed that ‘it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all’. Most of the times I have experienced pain or loss was because something beautiful ended. Herein lies truth – If I never ‘lose’, if I never experience pain – perhaps I never had anything of value, anything that was worth loving to begin with.
My life, this year – has not been easy, in fact in so many ways it has been exceptionally hard – However, it has also been filled with moments of ridiculous, euphoric bliss. I have never been more grateful for the friends I have made and the relationships I have kept. I have never known God’s grace to be so consistent and his love to be so true.
I have cried more this year than last or in years gone past – but I have also laughed harder, lived harder and loved harder than ever before.
In order to be extraordinarily happy, you forsake a life of ordinary.
I am happy. In this moment, I am supremely happy.
When this moment fades, I will be content.
I have been blessed beyond what any person deserves and I am at peace.
Of course, I will push for greater things, I will worker harder, I will try and be better. But above all, I choose contentment.
Philippians 4:11-13 (NIV)
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.