Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about friendship. What makes a friendship work? Is quantity better than quality? How many best friends can you have before the term loses all meaning?
Life can change in the blink of an eye and If I’m being honest I’ve been thinking about friendships when I noticed at a certain point that my large number of close friends had dwindled to a slighter small circle. I don’t know if you could really call it a circle, probably more like a triangle.
And if I’m being really honest, I noticed the loss. Any change that you noticed in your life can cause a feeling of a loss. Combine that together with a touch of loneliness and you have yourself a recipe that causes you to question everything you know.
Have you ever felt this way?
You find yourself asking questions like, why did this happen? Did I do something wrong in this relationship? I tried so hard at my job, yet I still failed? Why is it over? Is my best not good enough?
Aren’t these questions we all ask ourselves at one point or another?
Am I good enough?
Questions of self worth, identity.
It’s a strange, peculiar thing to wonder, who am I without all my attachments?
Without realising it, I had somehow learned to define myself by how good a friend I was. When I felt loss, I questioned not only my ability to be a good friend, but I questioned my identity. Who am I, if I am not a good friend?
Oh, how painful is the process of letting go, of untangling yourself from an attachment. My identity would rise and fall based on whether these friendships were a “success”. Whether I was consistently being praised for what a great friend I was. I pushed myself so hard to reach these goals I had made up in my head that I compromised important things. I went to great lengths to try and prove myself, my worth. I compromised my identity.
Define yourself by your work – you could lose your job and then what?
Define yourself by your talent – what if that disappears?
Define yourself by what your friends think of you, what your boyfriend or spouse, or your parents think of you? Unfortunately, you will be disappointed. And you’ll always feel like you come up short.
Stripped back, I am a child of God. This is my identity.
Add anything else into the mix, define yourself by any other method or measuring stick, then you will, at some point in your life, be incredibly disappointed. Identity is something we have to re-learn over and over until we stop striving for any acceptance other than the Fathers. He went to such great lengths to rescue me, to make me His daughter and I want best I can, to live as such.
I can have the best job, or no job.
I can be extraordinarily talented, or fail at everything I try.
I can have 100 friends or 2.
None of this matters, when you truly know who you are.
I am a child of God.